Lineage of steel

The word solemn is definitely not a word to be taken for granted anymore. After the passing of a woman who never knew the meaning of giving up, raising an entire family after the death of her self-possessed husband, the scantly-educated woman became the reason why death is not feared anymore.

She was hooked to a dozen feeding tubes and at one point even had to be unwillingly strapped to the arm rests of her hospital bed. The woman became inconceivably selfish when she began to stop eating, hoping to reach heaven as soon as possible so that she would not have to burden her children anymore. She was too weak to even have a dialysis treatment, It was heart-wrenching to watch her breathe forcefully with the respiratory system attached and inserted through her nostrils and her shoulder bones heaving so unnaturally.

It is hard for me to understand the meaning of life any longer. I am for one, is unafraid to die anymore. I have seen the suffering of this woman who bored my mother.

Her funeral opened my eyes on what an impact subtlety has on people. The visitors on the night of her wake were comprised of a majority of Malays and a handful of Chinese neighbours. My grandma lived and raised her family in a largely Malay oriented village. Even my mother said that the gathering truly epitomized the concept of 'Muhibbah" or loosely translated, harmony.

The tiny female body, barely reaching the height of four-nine has left a great effect on everybody surrounding her.

When I looked into the face-visible casket, she looked as if she was asleep. It is strange that my eyes would well up in tears and I would sob profusely just thinking about her death, but i was able to control my over-active emotions during the ceremony because all the while I managed to convince myself that she was having a good night's rest. After the burial, in the five hour journey back home, I proceeded to weep uncontrollably again.

Again, what I cannot comprehend is that how much of steel she had inside as she braced herself through the good and the bad. Towards the end of her life, she was growing senile and became extremely forgetful. On her death bed, her youngest son, another amazing character, persuaded her to hold on and promised to take her back to Penang. The little lady let go of her breathe knowing that she is going home.

In my shattered heart, I know that she has finally reached the place she was born, raised and meant to be in; Sungai Tiram.The modest but spacious home provided nothing but peace. Her love for animal is unconditional and she was a humanitarian.

When three Chinese neighbours came in at roughly 12.20 midnight, clasped their hand together and paid respect, I knew that I am lucky to be her granddaughter, related to her by blood; her daughter's daughter. A direct lineage of the bravest little woman I have ever knew.